nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
