the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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