ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
