It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
