i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize