Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
