AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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