Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
