I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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