What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
