Michael Bay diarrhea
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize