I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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