i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
