In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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