just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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