So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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