Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i think my cat just said my name.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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