I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
