drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
