1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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