6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
