is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
