I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize