you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
