You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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