I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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