Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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