I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
