we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize