She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
