K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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