I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
