I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
