i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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