He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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