Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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