I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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