I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize