Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize