i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Hippo gnu deer
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
