does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
