Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
