Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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