Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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