Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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