Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
