I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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