I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
