guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
