Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
