he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
