Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize