It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
