i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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