OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize