I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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