i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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