goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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