Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
