ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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