i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
