Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
