So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
