My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize