just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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