I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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