I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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