I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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