I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
