wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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